An old chest of drawers and a blurred vision.

It's not exactly picturesque view from atop but I always liked to climb up that rock to be alone , to read what I liked, to study or to finish my homework and I knew why. It's because that's one helluva place to enjoy the sound of silence!

It was like any other day and I was up there as usual doing my homework after class hours. Once I was done I looked up at the sky turning reddish orange. I smiled bracing myself but felt sad soon realizing that I would be missing all of it once my exams got over. I sighed and reached out to put my books back in my backpack when someone pulled one of my long plaits plopping up next to me. 

" Why are you here? what do you want?" I asked 
" I just came to see if you forgot to get home" he said winking at me.
" Thank you my caretaker but I don't need your help to get home" I twisted my mouth mocking him and started to pack my bag.
" Yeah right, just like how I don't need your help" he said, still smiling and pointing at my bag. 
" What?  what are you  talking about?" I said trying to act innocent.
" Tell me you don't have my notebooks in your bag and say I'm wrong if I said you were completing my notes as always" He wore a mischievous smile on his face and pulled my plait one more time in sheer confidence. 
" Nonsense, I don't need to hear your stupid stories"  I said closing my bag in a hurry as if in a fear of being proven wrong and got up to go.


He held my ankle and pulled me down " I want you to stop writing my notes, copies and lab records" he said once I settled down. I looked at him puzzled. I had been doing that for a long time now but it was all going to come to an end soon.
" I'm not taking up the exams. I'm dropping this year." He had finally said what he wanted to say and I was at loss of words. " Buuuuut, until you leave for your graduation, you will get this everyday as usual" he continued holding up a lollipop in his hand and grinning. 
" Why?" is all I could say. 
" Why??? because you like it " he said laughing at his own joke but soon realized I wanted answers, so he continued " Well, I'm still deciding where I want to end up later but you will know where it all ends when it does." He got up to his feet , took my backpack and put his hand out. 

***********************

That day when I went home to visit his parents long after he had gone, I found myself in his room. I opened the unlocked chest of drawers to find dozens of same notebooks and a pair of ribbons. There was a small note stuck inside the lid of the chest and it read ;

" There are a hundreds of ways to show your love and affection to someone but your's is the best so far. There's not a word about feelings in these books here that you wrote for me but you chose to say it without using the exact same ones ." 

I closed the lid and didn't look around much after that because I knew even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to see anything through my blurred vision. 

Now all I can think of is ' I miss my lollipop!'

Pissing and Kissing....what a rhyme !!!!!

I read the headlines today  If pissing is allowed in public then why not kissing?....hmmm interesting!! I'm sure some brainy ones must have come up with that line. Piss and kiss rhyme well and all you need to do is exchange just the first letter retaining the order and voila, there you have it :-) and don't get me started with how both are related to lips (only in women, I'm a feminist you see) although dimensions are different (oh boy, am I that brainy now? I'm getting there..;-)) !!!!

Have you seen the kind of people who pee in public ( I mean, have you seen their face?) and do you think they would know anything about the sanctity of kissing another human being with all your heart? If you look down upon people who dirty the public places, why are you equating 'the kissing' with their filthy actions? What's so great about going public with your emotions and feelings? Are you a show off? 

Have you ever been to a place like Lalbagh and Cubbon Park where some people indulge themselves in actions that you find obscene and offensive? Oh wait, it may be freedom of expression for them and I have no right to say such things. What if I did? Will they organize a protest jerking off in public ?  You have a problem that I'm comparing kissing with such demeaning behavior ? Well, that's just my freedom of expression !

I agree that the vandalizing a cafe in Kochi cannot be justified but mass kissing in public is not justifiable either. The passionate things ( i.e, if you are passionate about the other person) , I believe should take place in private if you want to savor the moment for rest of you life. That in fact shows the significance of other person in your life. But when you are so desperate to get something over with like when your pee is up at the tip of your disposer and you just have to do it anywhere to relieve yourself ignoring who's watching then you should be ready to face the consequences of their reactive emotions. And are you?

Moral policing men impose their so-called-ideals on others which is truly not acceptable but what different are you trying to impose your righteousness on others? You cannot retaliate so foolishly to seek justice. Had these people thought through the consequences of their liberal action in public? And how many police officers would it need to control the havoc? what a waste of resources would it have been if they had not taken precaution to arrest 30 volunteers /organizers. These organizers are as irresponsible as their actions on agenda.

 If you are so liberal and love the culture of doing it in public expecting the public to accept it, why don't you start seeking acceptance from your families first and then move on to society? And then try doing it in your schools and colleges, in temples/churches etc? Not the place and time to do it? exactly my point. We are not there yet, so don't push harder. Seek justice but be rational. 

And for one last time, pissing and kissing are not same for god sake. Don't use it again!!!!

My cook breaks the magician's code !!!!

The battle gets bigger and bigger with every phase. I struggle very hard to get atleast 5 hours of sleep at a stretch every night ( the target used to be 8 to 9 when I started) but then I give up, thanks to my little monster compressing my bladder as the months pass by. That morning, as usual ,when my cook showed up at my doorstep at 6am I welcomed her looking grumpier than usual. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I was feeling tired as I couldn't get sufficient sleep.

When you share your problem with someone you are at the risk of being showered with a lot of gyaan but if it's coming from your maid/cook then you dare say how useless it is aloud as you know you will have to suffer the consequences later. So , after I mentioned why I looked grumpy ( in spite of biting my tongue soon after that) I knew there was no turning back ! 

Cook : " Akka, I knew this would happen. You looked so good yesterday during the celebration of Gokulashtami in the building. I knew then itself that someone will cast a spell on you ". ( Read 'put kannu' in local language).

I wish she realized I paid her to do her job sincerely than paying me a compliment but again,I didn't dare say it to her face. In stead I said " It's not like that. More liquid in , so more liquid out and moreover my bladder is becoming small everyday".

Cook: " No Akka, you don't know. Your bladder size or condition is not even in the picture. Actually the spell shows up in different forms.."
Me: " What? People curse or cast a spell if someone is looking good ??? And that too, in this form??? What are you talking about? "
Cook : "Akkaaa, you don't know anything, you just sit here, I will do something to break the spell and then you can go back and get some sleep".

She didn't wait for me to respond and disappeared into the kitchen. But she made me think deeper. Hmmmm.......
Just imagine, if ordinary people like us can get affected to such an extent then what will happen to models and beauty queens? How many times will they have to wake up every night? If one model is jealous of the other, all she has to do is, cast a spell like this one! And when the moms of models or female actors say " Baby, you need to get your beauty sleep" what's the hidden truth behind it? It all started to unveil before me ( thanks to the insights provided by my divine cook).I wonder how many times Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightely, Lisa Hayden, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett,Jessica Alba,Madhuri Dixit, Zeenat Aman, Chithrangada Sen .....etc wake up in the night??!! I also want to know if it gets multiplied when there are more number of people casting a spell on one person ?????

Breaking the chain of thoughts my cook returned with some dried red chillies to rescue me and when I went to bed later that morning I dreamt about Rekhaji ( our yesteryear diva). In there, I was explaining my situation to her adding the logic that my cook had bestowed upon me earlier that day. Then I presented her with my question;

Me : " Rekhaji , we all know that you are an evergreen beauty. How many times have you gone through this for no fault of yours but for looking drop dead gorgeous ? Does it continue to happen even today? " 
Rekhaji : (Looking at me in disbelief) " I don't remember the older times gal but now it's not even an issue as I don't even have to step down from my bed." I dunno if she twitched after that or it's just the wrinkles around her mouth but I thought she gave me one last 'crazy Gal' look before I woke up to attend my call !

Moral of the story : The nature always calls but sometimes more than it should !

My city is a perfect blend of filter coffee.

' It's not what it looks like' applies to the city very well. It has everything in it and becomes that which every person wants to see. It's the kind of cocktail that everyone wishes to get a high on and they all have their own recipe for it. It lives up to every one's expectations , that's my city Namma Bengalooru !



During my childhood days the city was my summer home. My grandma lived here which made me feel like this city hosted the entire world to me and back then I hadn't even explored the city but it didn't stop me from falling in love with it. The most exciting thing for me those days were these little trips we took in Double Decker buses visiting all the relatives residing in the city. Those were the 'painting-the-town-red' kind of moments that I will never forget. Co-incidentally that's what my husband misses too now !!!! Having born and brought up here in Bangalore, he has always loved those red Double Decker buses and we find solace in each other's words :-) 

There are things that are same even now like 'Tindi Beedi' which means more to us than any Burgers, Bucket chicken or Pizza outlets. None of these even put together can wipe out an entire street like that. Only thing that has changed about that place is 'the price per plate' but I'm not complaining, everybody has to make a living, isn't it?

My city is like Ravana but only with more heads than he ever had. It has all the 'navarasas' and more. It has its ugly side too but even an atom has positive and negative charges in it and isn't that the factor responsible for the stability ??? This city is like an elastic womb that keeps expanding in order to make more and more space to accommodate everyone who wants to be here. This is my city, the city that never sleeps, that never stops growing and that which is not black and white. 

Physics says ' Energy cannot be destroyed however it can be transformed from one form to another' (Sheldon will be proud of me) and I say the same thing about my city too. It's never gone, it just keeps changing from being a city to a Capital city, Silicon City and a Metro city.It's like a perfect blend of coffee where we have our local flavor but are not afraid to turn global when the time calls. I just want to say one more thing ' People,stop complaining how crowded the place is or how chaotic the traffic is. If it was not for us flocking up here,the city wouldn't have had its cherry popped!' 

It is and will always be my city with my favorite boiled beans and a hot cup of filter coffee.

Women can't drool over men !!!!

I'm convinced that women have a lot to learn from men at least the quality of acceptance ! It doesn't mean the entire breed is like that. I'm referring to 'some' of the women who feel offended very often when the deal is not even that big. 

 We all remember our dear Poonam Pandey, don't we ( for those who are naive, she's the one who plays 'Will I or Will I not' ) ? Have you ever seen any men complain about the offers she makes ? (not that she fulfills it but men find salvation in just thinking about it !!) The gorgeous ladies on the posters/bill boards/hoardings cause accidents just by posing provocatively, showing off more than just the product they are meant to promote.  ( Have you seen jewelry ads? You keep looking for what's she trying to sell and never find it unless you look at the wordings) But have you witnessed any man complain about all that? NOOO ?! It

Iris Jewelry

In that case, why make a big deal about Amir holding only a radio to cover his modesty ? I read somewhere that some women organisations were offended by the poster and demanded to have the 'erected' poster removed ! I mean, really ???? Here I was thinking , finally there's something for women too ( and was waiting for Amir to drop the radio? No No :-p ) I wonder what's so offending about a man baring everything except for his essentials ? They have called it a 'publicity stunt'. Yeah , so? When they were repeatedly playing ' Sheila ki Jawani' , ' Ooolala Ooolala', ' Mere photo ko', etc , what was that? If someone makes a product or a movie , isn't publicizing part of post production ?

Or may be, some women feel insecure that now men will symbolize the 'sexy' or 'glamour' part of the equation? In that case I'm with you 100%. Only women should be the objectification factor, only nude women should be used for publicity stunts otherwise what will women do? they will have no jobs. You are right sisters, we need to get offended for it is our duty to keep us at display and make men drool all over. We have no rights about drooling over nude men. I forgot our tradition, thank you for bringing me back on the right track !

Neither can I clip his wings nor let him fly!

Which is worse? 

Gaza's burning and has been declared war zone , thanks to Israel and the other Big Brother Countries. As a result, it's giving birth to terrorism which may be, for them, fighting for their rights. In any case, this happened when they were invaded by outsiders. But what about us? 

We are fighting border-related issues across the outline of our map and inside, we live under constant fear for life and living , thanks to our own people !!! 

So which one is worse?

It's not about only a 6-year old but about those who conspired to hide it. Really????? So now how do we trust schools and where do we send our kids? Whom are we fighting? I feel panicky when my son steps out and get very restless until he returns. I keep pushing him to share everything and he hasn't a clue why his mom keeps repeating her words everyday. Neither can I clip his wings nor let him fly freely, I'm sure it's every parent's dilemma as well as their helplessness. 

I have been nursing a thought in my mind for a long time now, it's not about right or wrong. Why doesn't our legal system let the families of the victims to take action against the culprits for once ?  I feel , if they suffered the loss then they should be the ones to take action too. Why doesn't the khap panchayat do something about these kind of psychotic people? These are the moments that push me to believe that the parallel government is the best solution. It may look like a terrorizing thought but for me it's the liberating one !!!!

Gaza and us are no different, both are battling for a better future but the difference is they are fighting outsiders !!!!

From The Godfather :


“I don't trust society to protect us, I have no intention of placing my fate in the hands of men whose only qualification is that they managed to con a block of people to vote for them.” 

And Don Corleone lives on...........!

My 2 am call !

Now-a-days I wake up around 2 am almost everyday feeling hungry knowing the painful thing would be to fall asleep after filling my stomach and that's when I get crazier. 

Sometime I go online and see if any of my sleep deprived friends or those on the other side of the globe are available to rant about just anything, sometime I turn on TV and start watching on mute, sometimes pick up the one-day-old newspaper or just lie down and reminisce. But I never pick up a book to read while waiting to fall asleep. By mistake I opened a book last Friday and I couldn't put it down until I turned the last page over. It was a lesson learnt just in time.

One such day, during the wee hour I called a friend of mine.

" Huh helloooo" he sounded sleepy.
" Oops, sorry. Did I wake you up? I thought you would be at work."
" I am at work yaar but yes you did wake me up."
" Ahaaaa, very funny. Why don't you go home and sleep?"
"  This is the story of my life. I come to office and I feel sleepy but I go home I'm wide awake!!!!"
" Why? isn't it more comfortable to sleep in your bed than at your work station?"
" Yeah but my wife is at home and I'm very scared I might get screamed at for what I do or say in my sleep. She keeps me on leash you know?" he was being funny, I know. 
" Yeah right, again back to your one of those stale henpecked jokes. It's a bad one I tell you. Why did you even marry then?" I was trying to prove a point.
" Please yaar, don't ask me such questions. I can answer this question but then you will spit at me and get disgusted. Why bachcha why?" he's always the joker that all of us want to call when we have nothing to do.
" You are the biggest clown in town."  
" Ok you tell me this, why are you awake at this hour? Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked.
Knowing my condition he was genuinely concerned and I knew it.
" I was feeling hungry so I woke up and now I can't sleep." I complained.
Him: " Ohhhho what do we do now? Ok wait I'm gonna make you listen to something and you will fall asleep."
I : " I will? how sure?"
Him: " You have worked in the customer service industry, haven't you? "
I: " Yeah so?"

 He didn't say anything after that but he made me listen to something over the phone and the next thing I heard was my husband waking me up. It was bright and sunny morning. 
He asked me what was my phone doing on my pillow and I told him what happened.

" So how did you finally sleep? What did he make you listen to ?"
" Yeah well, he made me feel I was at work and it worked. Last thing I remember is, some IVR repeating ' your call is important to us, please hold the line'  and then here I am !"

We both laughed. My husband was happy that I woke up with a smile and not feeling like throwing up and I was happy that I got some sleep. I dunno whom am I gonna dial today.....!!!!!!

This too shall pass !!!!

A realization dawned upon me very recently and I would like to share the wisdom which might come across as the 'out-pour of an irritated soul' but I would say otherwise! " Falling sick is the less of all the pains compared to what follows " - Yes, this is my new discovery albeit, not unknown. 

I recently fell sick ( nothing too serious but a common phenomenon) and remember,this is the dangerous part since it's common and most of them would have had a first hand experience, almost everyone you talk to will try to sell their own acquired wisdom !

Excerpts from my conversation between me and some wise people (friend 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, .....n = Friend).

Friend  : " Hey, what's up? haven't seen much of you now a days !"

      me  :  " Yeah been years since we met...."

Friend : " That too but haven't seen you on FB much !!!!!!"

     me   : " Yeah well, not keeping well "

Friend :  " OMG, what happened , all well? "

     me : (to myself : 'didn't I just say I was not keeping well, anyway..') " some little health issues here and there, nothing serious "

Friend :  " Tell me what happened "

     me : - explained what was wrong-

Friend : " Ohhh okkkk, you know this has happened to me too but not this severe but my cousin went through this and it was more than this. She had to do this- that and still it was like this and that "

    me :   ( is this supposed to make me feel better in any way? ) " Hmmm alright, I understand. Hope she's feeling better. Will catch ya later "

*********

Friend : " Hey long time ..."

    me :  " Yeah, not been online..."

Friend :  " That too but haven't met in years...what's up with you?"

    me : " Well, not much going on. You tell me."

Friend : " Heard you were not well, how are you now?"

    me : " Better but my blood sugar has been high for sometime"

Friend : " Ohhhh, that's sad."

     me : " No no not all that bad, my doc has put me on tabs"

Friend :  " You mean insulin"

     me: " No, just some tabs to control , not as bad as insulin tabs "

Friend : " Really? Shouldn't you be on insulin? are you sure?"

    me :  ( didn't I say I'm seeing a doc?. anyway...) " My doctor is quite sure. Anyway what's up at your end?"

 Friend :  " Eat this and that and don't eat this and that and then if you do this it gets better but if you do that it doesn't any day.......yap yap yap yap yap"

    me :  ( am I not saying it loud that I'm seeing a doc? and what doctor are you now?) " Well, ok. Kinda tired. Catch up later, see ya"

***********

Friend :  " Hey baby, how are you now?"

   me  :  " Ok ok I guess, not been able to eat anything so been losing weight"

Friend :  " whatever it is, don't do like how I did....I did this and that it happened like this and then this and that .........."

   me :  ( Not my first time you moron and why the hell will I do like anyone else. I'm actually losing it) " Hmmmm"

Friend :  " Was your blood sugar high last time as well? what was your random sugar reading? migraine still hurts, what have you been eating? Do you know you shouldn't eat this and that and you need to do this and that.................."

      me : ( Was keeping offline a much better idea? not just this but switch the phone off too?)

Friend : " You there, hello. Knock knock. I guess you are resting, will catch up when you are ok. Bye and keep me posted."

    me :  (Yeah , like I want to)

*********

This is what I was talking about, more painful than falling sick and I'm sure most of you have gone through it. Some people never wait to think how to make the 'sick one' feel better. Prescriptions will come from doctors and talking about different experiences will not always make it a comforting moment. ' Don't ask what's going on with the sole intention of offering free suggestions ' is my take away. 

Not all of them are that insensitive you know ? My closest friends call me and not make big bones about it. I learnt some good ones from them in case if I need to use later with someone else.

Sensible Friends :

1.  " I get what you are saying. This too shall pass."

2. " Once you feel like eating, let me know and I will make it for you."

3. " If you feel like talking or feel low, just give me a ring, anytime."

4. " You met the doc today? how did it go?"

5. " Is it better than yesterday ? If not, send your son here and take more rest."

Now it makes me wonder how much of a sensible friend have I been in the past? You know, because it's like Karma, they say. It finds a way to come back to you. So if I'm getting this much bugged with some, then I have done accordingly to deserve this but I'm glad I have some brownie points too to redeem. Well, that's enough gyan for the day. I'm tired you see, so will catch ya sometime soon but much later :-)

1 Like = 10 Respect

You know how you get that one email or an online post about the soldiers or people who who have braved all ? 1 Like = 10 Respect/Salute ? Does it irritate you as well ? I don't know how the brains of these morons, who forward such emails and posts, work? Or should the actual question be, if they really have one? You guys are so lazy that you are trying to equalize 'respect' with 'like' on the SNS (Social Networking Sites) and not just once but 10 times more!!!!. How about doing 10 sit-ups or push ups to show respect? Even then how does it make a difference to the person who has done great things in life ? Why don't you go meet them and do something that makes a difference to them than just showing the world that you are losing it!

And then there are these people who share disfigured people or babies and force you to like them? Again, what difference it makes to them in real life if et-al the picture is genuine. So now we use these 'Likes' and 'Shares' in stead of helping out people, is it? Amazing how we replace emotions and good deeds with e-life events!

Now there are these other people who are not less than the ones mentioned above. God fearing or loving people,I can't really say the difference though. These guys will warn you of the wrath you might bring upon yourself if you ignore or don't forward the emails or posts. It's like God checks his emails and Wall posts to see if people are compliant or not. The recent one being ' Satan will try to stop you from sharing but click share and defeat Satan' , are you kidding me? Now winning over Satan is as simple as clicking on share WOW! Wish our Gods knew this in the beginning it self and then we could all read it in our respective holy epics about being internet compliant since
our childhood. But it's our fault that we didn't invent these e-stuff much earlier.


I wish there was some rule to prevent these idiotic people from using cyber space and kick them out to acquire some common sense or atleast grow a pair.

Is it Holy or Holy Sh**?

Would you allow your child to get exposed to a world of violence and hateful people or events? I know the unanimous answer and yes , me neither. We try our best to raise our kids in a healthy environment and want to inculcate a sense of righteous-ness in them. What better way to do it than telling them stories from our holy epics? We even get books meant for kids, in which, they have simplified the content to help the kids understand the ideas and events, isn't it? How many of us already have such books and how many books do we have? As many as we could get?

Is there a moment, when you are reading from such books, you pause to find a more suitable explanation or try to think of a better context and finally skip the part citing some reasons? Remember, I'm still talking about the books we call 'holy'. More often than not , I find myself entangled in the dichotomy of my own thoughts. Isn't it time we revised the entire 'holy' brigade?

This one time, I was reading stories from one such books to my son. I was telling him about the birth of Devavratha (Bheeshma Pitamaha) and I struggled a lot to find an alternate theory to avoid telling him that Mother Ganga cast six of her babies into the river before she was stopped. Since my small wonder is very good at quizzing( like all the other kids of his age) I found myself at shortage of excuses and somehow the real story slipped out of my mouth ( it's a miracle?!) and I can't , even today, forget the look of horror in his eyes, " Amma throws her own babies into the river?"  

There are many such stories from all the books we call holy and it's not restricted to one religion. Take a look at any holy book. Aren't they all appalling,ghastly and they all include violence of the highest order, malpractice, debauchery, fraud,lying, fighting over land-women-power-ego ( not necessarily in that order), violating the modesty of women, virgin girls giving birth, stupid people in charge of spreading religion, killing people in the name of religion and what not!

We dote on a man,who was very powerful, irrespective of his actions, he...(errr I'm looking for an alternative word for womanizing that doesn't offend people) did some cute things apparently other than stealing butter? And there's this man who used deceptive ways to win a battle but didn't even accept his wife at the end. So what was it he fought for? His ego? Brothers fought over empire, Saints were short tempered and cursed everyone who didn't respect them, Gods fought over to become numero uno, coward people led a naive and innocent man to Crucifixion and justified themselves saying he died for them and then built an entire army of blind people who still suffer from the sins of their ancestors. How do I tell my child ,these are 'holy' or is it why we say 'Holy Sh**' ???!! ( I think I found the best anecdote for 'Oxymoron' !!!!) 

The best thing is, when it's time for moral of the story  and he asks " What's the moral of this story, Amma?"  and this time I take a long pause, you can never be too careful , isn't it? Then I say  " Well, since what Ganga did was punishable and everyone was very upset with her, she received the biggest punishment of her life. Today, river Ganga is much beyond any use for human race" and I could see a smile brimming on his face. I put those books away right after that and changed the topic before he could even ask '' If Ganga is not of any use to us then isn't it a punishment for us?" !!!!!

What's in a gift?

Everyone likes presents, isn't it? It's not that people like to receive presents because they are free( please second me) but the emotion behind it. You feel cared, loved and remembered. I love it even more if it's from an old friend which assures you that you still are the same to them. It's beyond any emotion describable if it's hand made as it says it all. I love the handmade ones better than any expensive ones bought readily !

Back in college when all of us were broke everyday,we made it a point to save a little every month to buy b'day gifts with the money we pooled in. The efforts always mattered more than the ones wrapped up neatly. And now that we have easy money and convenient ways of shopping with varieties of items to confuse us enough, it hardly makes one feel special. We just don't have time or mood to pick up another task. But when someone does spend time and effort to make a gift , it does make it more special. Am I wrong? 

Handmade gifts always hold special place in my heart like these handmade cards, candles, book marks, paintings and any crafty thing. It doesn't have to look perfect but it does make the moment so perfect to savor forever. Before I got married, Eddie being my very very good friend knew that I always bought used books and he also knew I loved Harry Potter series. So he went around from one street to another just to buy all the volumes of HP series. Since all the books were not available with one particular vendor he really had to go around all day to buy me the entire series. The amount of trouble he took to make me happy did make me feel very very special !

I guess if you are not sure what to present, it's better to buy flowers than choosing expensive gifts. It doesn't come a long way if you are into buying extravagant articles. A friend of mine bought me a book (upon asking) on babies when I was expecting and I still have his customer's copy of the bank receipt which I happened to find inside the book. I find joy in preserving the little things and I'm sure most of the women are my type. It's not what you give but what you do, to get that,for your loved ones that matters more. Anyone agrees with me?

Leaving the memory lane behind !

Bird sanctuary , a place to where birds from different parts of the world migrate to, looking for a better habitat and good weather. So it happened one day. We flocked together looking for a better future and tools to equip ourselves but seldom we knew about the friendship that would bind many of us together to last a life time. 

I still remember the day when my dad came to drop me with my sister. Like many of us, it was my first time away from home and everything I knew. Trust me it was not just the butterflies in my stomach but big whales churning inside. I was teary eyed and for the first time I saw my dad in tears that day. I was still his little girl and my old man was scared to leave me there among the people he hardly knew but what choice did he have? Watching my dad and sister walk away was the most difficult thing.  

I still remember the song I sang during my first ragging session; 
"Ajeeb daastan hai, kahan shuru kahan khatam
 Yeh manzile hai kaun si, na hum samajh sake na tum"
And I remember the ragging session held for all the first years in the LH quadrangle where I had to dance for a song on the table; " Merra naam chin chin chu"
Luckily it was so much better for me compared to one of my friends who had to hatch an egg and what not. But all that ragging surely helped us, the first years, to get along together and with our seniors too. Isn't it? 

Boyyyy was it crazy !!! Freshers' party,Internals, bidding farewell to seniors, talking about boyz, Raghavendra Mutt visits, By-two masal puris-gobi manchuris-ice creams, Long walks, Rs.1 kahara bun and 0.50p Banana,Maggie uncle,Our finance maintenance,Celebrating b'days, Queue-ing up for Sunday breakfasts, Jayamma's cooking, Midnight coffee/tea during semester exams, Phone calls, Visitors, College fests and then late night gossips and bitching. Oh my ,four years were so eventful that the memories we have will last a lifetime. Don't you agree?

We loved when we loved and we hated when we hated. It was a wonderful love-hate relationship. When it was time to leave after 4 colorful years it hadn't still sunk in that the lives were going to take different routes and it would never be same again. But as the years passed I missed it more and more by every passing day. The streets we loitered around, the place we flocked, the life we shared was coming back to haunt almost every night as I was under the impression that only OUR lives changed while everything else remained same. The 'let-go' was getting more difficult by each passing thought. 

However , revisiting the place ,has now, put a closure to the imaginary world I was living in. Nothing looked same or familiar. It's so much crowded now unlike before. The place has got a new map and it looks like a zigsaw puzzle that I have lost interest in putting together. For real, things have changed and there's nothing that awaits me back there. It made me realize that all those people I loved have always been with me all along and I have nothing to fear. 

Living in the past makes you nostalgic, sure but living in the moment makes it more exciting. Yes, that's the moral of the story that I have derived at. I have met new people since then and some have stayed with me adding to my lifetime of experiences. I would never want to go back and lose all that I have gained. I love it just the way it is. Rewind button is not what I want , all I want is to just keep playing for as long as I live !

What keeps you awake at night?

What keeps you awake at night?
An old dream which never came true,
A memory which is hard to forget,
Or a song which was never sung perhaps

What keeps you awake at night?
Hoping for a never ending journey
On a lane you walk every night,
Wandering aimlessly by the riddled maps

What keeps you awake at night?
A purple bike,a hand-made card and an old chocolate box 
A companion, an old friend and an alter-ego such a delight
A path never met, a hand never held, a forbidden fruit never bitten

What keeps you awake at night?
The river that lured or the fate that consumed
The death of a confidant or the unfinished story of the living,
An empty hug, a restless soul and a craving heart?

Botox and PM-S !!!

She says :

" Important disclosure: I have asked approximately a hundred women this idiotic question: Would you marry XYZ ( naming a prominent powerful leader) ?" and I wonder, really? this is that 'important disclosure' ?
The entire nation is in labor waiting for the arrival of their leader and all you are worried about is whether he's a marriage material or not? If menopause cannot make a woman wiser what else would? At the top of my head..... nothing !!!

I'm not in favor of the man in question politically but I'm worried about the reputation of lady-journalists being blown away. She goes on to say "He's full of himself, he doesn't speak, he thunders. He talks at people, not to them.....blah,blah blah". Woman, he's driving people across the nation, what do you expect? You want him to take you out on a date and listen to your botox talks? Have you lost it?  Know the difference between the one who is contesting for PM elections and the one who's looking out for a woman who's attained PMS status !!!

" He's not the sort of guy you take home to your mother,he appears arrogant and dismissive, self-absorbed and conceited. Chicks like appreciation... compliments " she says. I mean really????? He's a politician for godsake and he's not waiting for your mother's approval. Yes,chicks like compliments but they also like a powerful leader who can empower women. I'm sure chicks don't lust for a 65+ politician, if it's anybody then it's those irrational women who have lost their minds as they start to age  .....by the way how old are you?

This woman, who calls herself a feminist, is stereotyping women and this is exactly I hate in those women who say they are feminists. Is this what upholds your womanhood? Talk about leadership, type of govt. we want and not if each candidate is a marriage material or not. And now, keep your legs crossed and let your grey cells do some work too !!!!

Haunted and rendered sleepless .

Horror movies are a forbidden genre for me, a very big NO-NO and whenever I have tried to be brave I had to bear the brunt of my bravery for couple of weeks before I could fall asleep effortlessly and peacefully in the night. Now and then , for no reason, I put myself through it. My recent adventure was "Ragini MMS2'. When I watched this movie with my husband , I knew what would be in store for me for couple of days, Sunny didn't help neither did Sandhya Mridul....by the way what a waste !!!!!!

Surprisingly I got over it within no time but at that point of time I didn't know something else would haunt me for a long long time. I ignored all the signs and ended up watching 'Lakshmi', yeah that was the biggest mistake so far ! It's a gut-wrenching movie ,believe me and ignore no signs if this is in your bucket list. 


I have read reviews where people have compared this with ''Mandi' but watching this one is a tormenting experience by many folds than Mandi. Mandi was a sarcastic approach and undoubtedly one of the master pieces of Shyam Benegal . On the other hand, Laksmi is a plain horror that tears your soul apart. It's definitely more intense and agonizing journey. 

Now I feel silly to have got scared for watching movies that shows action after death. What's more haunting is the life of some people and to them, death is greener and inviting. A 14 year old girl, going through the terrorizing life events taking away her innocence and fragility along with the hope of a better future. I will never forgive you Nagesh Kukunoor for taking away my peace and leaving me to deal with my sleepless nights. 

But the question really is , are we being human?

Retrouville - Courtesy : WORDPORN FB page.

Rediscovering what I left behind more than a decade ago which is an integral part of me and who I am, was more joyful than I thought. The entire map has got a new outlook but I found out that some people , who have always mattered to me, have not changed , atleast not as much as I thought. But again, I'm not always right, am I?

I grew up among women who were strong minded and did what they always wanted to. Today, if I recollect my childhood memories I don't find a single one without my sisters being associated with it. I was always taken care of, looked after and tended to. They have all been my mothers at one point or the other. I may not be as strong minded as they are but I've a bit of all of them in me. Somehow my sisters always knew what was right and they were all on their best behavior. I have tried, believe me I have but failed as many times as I attempted, they must have set the bars really high !!!! The first thing comes to my mind when I go back home is how pampered and protected I was ! Being the youngest has its perks, what do you say ???!!!

I love the fact that my parents never really imposed anything on us and let us be what we wished to be. I guess that's why all four of us are much similar and yet extremely different from one another. We actually lived a carefree life and continue to do the same even now.

• We would hang out till late ( No questions asked). 
• Our friends used to stay over (this is even before we heard of 'slumber parties' ).
• Chose to study what we want ( and all four of us ended up studying very different courses but ended up not using any of it!).
• Never imposed any caste, religion based obligations and never pushed us to be the conventional ones ( I guess that's why we are weirdos today but we all enjoy being that!)

I 'm ever grateful for having a family like that who's not theatrical but sensible enough not to step into each other's space.

Then come the people of my small town. It's really nice to meet people who have been that part of your life which happens to be the actual 'growing-up years'. My childhood friends are not just individuals, I have a relationship with their entire family. I'm one of their kids, so now when I visit them with my husband , he becomes the son-in-law for them and just for that he gets a royal treatment from everybody! Ahhh, how nice to be back home and look at all those wonderful people and be thankful that I still have them in my life.

Map was disoriented but not the people. I forgot to thank one of my childhood friends who lent his two wheeler to us to roam around. I didn't thank any of them back home as I knew I was going back there and I couldn't thank enough even if I said it every time I went there. And the only thing that still breaks my heart is the fact that a piece of my heart went missing and there's no way for me to find it as long as I live !!!!

p.s :  Retrouvaille - " The joy of meeting or finding someone after a long separation or rediscovery. (Courtesy : WORDPORN ,fb page)

Gulaab Gang Vs Queen !!!!

Two movies focused on women , one emphasizes the power of women and the other depicts the journey of a woman who goes from being naive and protected to attaining self-esteem and becoming independent. Which is my favorite??? The latter!

Women power is highly overrated and Gulaab Gang stinks from male chauvinistic ideas and view points. I mean really? A woman centered movie doesn't have to be the exact translation of a typical hero movie or is it? This movie is as stylish as it can get with all the unnatural characters. The only motive behind making this movie seems to be glorifying the leading lady. The fighting sequences are Indianized Chinese fights with well fitted costumes and choreographed action sequences. Watching Gulaab Gang was watching any movie with the same formula and heroism. It was far from liberating women and empowering them. On the whole it was very very disappointing.  

Queen was the movie of the weekend and it just blew my mind. Kangana was as real as she could get. It was actually different from typical Bollywood movies where the leading lady transforms from wearing salwar kameez to western clothes (read revealing) symbolizing filmy progressive behavior.  On the contrary, Kangana didn't become one of them. I was happy for once, having rampant sex wasn't the sign of progress, wearing revealing clothes didn't advocate the change in behavior. Whatever happened was part of the personality and not of display. Thank god, finally somebody got it right! Self-esteem , self reliability, self-respect are not aggressive qualities , they can be as subtle as shown in the movie and still be strong. 

P.S: (for women), the only glamorous factor was Sikander (or Alexander?). So far the only Russian I knew was Vodka and now I know one more ;-)

I proved Newton wrong !

You know how we learn to speak for first 3 to 10 years of our life and then spend rest of our life learning how to shut up, does anyone else find it difficult too or is it just me? This 'shut-up' technique looks simple but as the saying goes, it is deceptive, right? Those, who have said wise things, are not dependable either as they don't tell you the technique but only give you the end result, so much like life itself. As it is life is such a hard teacher, she gives you the test results first and then the lessons !


I have stopped trying to be wise now-a-days. Newton did say that the action and reaction are equal and opposite but he was so wrong. You try to do something wise and in turn you end up looking twice stupid. Aha, Professor Newton, proved your theory wrong.... SCORE!!!! So I'm doing the next best thing now, trying not to look stupid. And how does that look so far? That's a potboiler for my next post probably.

When do you kick yourself more, When you don't say anything or when you say something and look like a errrr,what's the word, Loser? Actually we all have a Savior right inside us and that's why they say 'cross your heart' when you are saying something.That Savior is hanging inside by your tongue and shoving it through your epiglottis so that you swallow it. But as it is always the case, there should be a Satan inside too. Since he feeds on your dilemma ,he gets bigger and bigger each time you are feeling something like that. And then what follows becomes history ,etched in your memory, green greener and greenest forever !!!!!


Huh, by the way, Satan is double powerful and is directly proportional to the stupidity showcased ! 

The masters who know what Moms need to do !!!!!

Some people master the art of getting on people's nerves very well. The mastering quality is directly proportional to the sadist inside them I believe. 

You know it becomes so difficult to enjoy anything without thinking about your kid even once as it is and to top it all, there are people who constantly make you feel guilty for doing something that makes you happy. It's like if you are a mom then having fun or being happy for your own reasons is like a sin. It's like a rule that your actions and happiness should depend solely on your child once you become a mom.

A couple of years ago, we went to a wedding on a week day morning after sending our son to school. One of our friends who was also there asked me where my son was? I told him that he was at school and he couldn't believe that we didn't take our then 3 year old son to a wedding! I failed to understand the holistic point behind it. Sometimes I wonder how other people (including men) know so much about what a mom needs to do 'to and with' her child than the one who carried it in the womb and been looking after since then !!!!!!

'You went out with your friends leaving behind your son and hubby at home? Ohhh wow, good yaar!' ( Yeah, well ok, thanks).
' You guys go to movies on weekdays after sending your son to school? Oh my, great yaar.' ( Really? great? then why don't I believe you?')
' You bought a dress? So what did you buy for your son?' ( Is nothing an option?)
' You were sick so who was cooking and feeding your son and hubby?' ( I believe it was you!!!!)
' Oh my god, you have been playing for this long, do you remember your son needs to have lunch when he gets back home?' ( Really????? I had no clue all these years!)

Other than my husband, I don't remember anyone asking me   " How was your day out? Refreshing? Had some fun? I'm glad you did." If not all of it atleast some??!! Too much to ask for????? Or just don't say anything , that will help too :-) Next time some one comes up with anything other than what I expect them to say, I just want to say that it takes a lot of effort for me to stop myself from punching your nose or kicking your nuts ( depending on who says it) and the day I'm not in mood for too much of hard work then.....God alone should save you !

Believe me,there are some people who say " Will you please babysit my baby?" and my answer is NO. I don't know your baby's mood,pulse anything. How can I do that? I have just enough work to do with my own. Hire someone to do the job or opt for a day-care. " Oh my gawd, even after having your own, you don't want to babysit other babies?" is generally the look on the face of people. But let me ask you something....' have you asked me to hubby-sit? I have been married for 9 years now. I would know how to do it, wouldn't I?' is going to be my answer if someone spits out the words ! I'm waiting..............really .

Trust me,it's never casual !!!!

Are we happy with the portrayal of strong women characters the way it's been done? 

It bothers me the way it's done. If a woman is powerful she needs to be Man-ish, she should wear pant suits or trousers, she should smoke,she should use men the way ambitious men do with women, and should be sexually aggressive & intimidating. Really? They literally transform women into the way ambitious men are pictured in the movies to show she's out there too? What rubbish !

Movies are so misguiding when it comes to defining a woman with power or one with ambition. The young girls are so consumed with that kind of an impression that they have a notion they are or become like the ones shown on the screen if they use swear words or start smoking. And don't get me started on sex.....I mean really?

Trust me,it's never casual. I have every reason to believe that women make love with their hearts if their mind is seduced and it can never ever be casual. I'm sure most of the women agree with me if I said that they take that bonding to grave. But does that mean that women with feelings are not ambitious or powerful? Why is 'Amma' not sexually active? Isn't she one of the most powerful woman? Casually or no strings attached are not women thing and it's not a weakness for god sake!

Women clad in sarees or wearing salwar kameez and kurtas are always shown as meek, homely characters or rather push overs. I mean really? So if a woman looks traditional, does she have to give up the right to grab her man for a kiss and wait until he makes the first move? Do you have to be in a western wear or a more revealing outfit before you uncover your feelings? Thanks to movies, it does look like a prerequisite. But sorry movie makers, my shopping cart is empty and your blueprint is not the ideal one for me or for most women.

On the other hand, people say that a Lakshmi is born when a baby girl takes birth  and I ask why? If it's a baby boy, do you say Vishnu is born? Rama is Born? Shiva is born? NO. But if it's a girl why should she always be a form of goddess that they worship? Are you consoling yourself over the birth of a girl, is it like a consolation price? Trying to hide your disappointment? How about not throwing any title at her and just refrain from setting certain bars for her to meet? Just let her be born and be that girl.  

Someday I wish to see more Medhas, Sushmas and Kalpanas just the way they are and not sexed up or glamorized. Except for their innate quality nothing else should be a selling point and make our young girls like them for the way they have been. I hope someday movies will be made where characterization of a woman is more sensible and really really strong inspite of being feminine and subtle.