I had a rainbow in my eyes and it was yellow in color !!!!!

One evening after school, I was walking back home with my sister when the hell broke loose and started to pour like it never would stop. We took refuge under the pseudo roof of a footwear shop on the busy market street. My teenage sister and her friends continued their deep thoughtful discussion about things that I don't remember now but sure remember it was hard for me to break the riddled conversation and hence I kept myself busy looking at the things that were easy to comprehend at the age of 8.

 I glanced at the shop once, like I was, at everything else to find something interesting to keep myself occupied.That's when I looked at the yellow shoes collection and once I set my eyes on them it was nearly impossible for me to undo the feeling I developed. On that one non-uniform day in the week (color dress day) I used to wear flat rubber sandals to school and to add to the glory, while walking, it would splash rainy water every single time. I was so mesmerized looking at the shoes. 

"Pick me Pick me Pick me Pick me..."

 They were looking back at me like they wanted me to take them home or atleast A PAIR of them! I didn't realize that it had stopped raining and my sister was pulling my arm to get going. Since I didn't have a choice I started walking home with her but left a piece of my heart behind. I had a rainbow in my eyes and it was yellow in color !!!!! I don't have to tell you what I dreamed that night or do I?  Everything looked so yellow that I wouldn't have minded having jaundice :-D.

   Later that week I came home with a broken rubber sandal and kept it in full view and the following Sunday my mom took me out for footwear shopping ( It's always easy to catch the fish when you have a good catch, ain't it? ). But she made it a point to tell me that she would also get the broken one fixed and I would have the luxury of using that one besides the new one she was going to buy for me. I heard nothing except " I will buy the lovely yellow shoe that you have been fancying " ,so I said yes to everything she had or might have said.

The moment we stepped in to the same showroom my heart either stopped beating or started pounding inside my head and I thought it was going to explode. (Stopped or started pounding, I don't remember exactly. So it's highly debatable). The shop keeper was going on telling my mom about the wide range of new collection of shoes for the little girls. I set my eyes so intensely on a pair of cute little yellow shoes that they were popping out of my eye socket. I had to close my eyes to stop them from falling out. Once I closed my eyes I was dreaming about wearing the new shoes but not walking around .....because I was floating and drifting off to the entire new world of yellow rainbows !!!!!!

I opened my eyes to " Ok, let's go now" . I looked at the bag my mom was holding and was about to go gaga over the deed she had done for me but my mom held my hand and started walking back home. I was racing in my mind to reach home while trying to walk slow. I didn't want to upset mom ,my dear mom, who had just picked my favorite yellow shoes. When we reached home my sister looked at me with a smile and asked my mom " So,it's in yellow just as she liked?". And my mom nodded her head,patted my back affectionately and handed the bag to  me while getting inside. That's it, couldn't have waited any longer. It somehow looked like an eternity when I was struggling to open the box in the bag with my trembling hands. I took it out.....and I don't remember anything after that,so I guess that's when I skipped a heart beat or were there too many ?


Later that night  while having dinner my dad asked me if I liked the new footwear and before I could say anything my sister blurted " Did she? Oh dad ,she ofcourse did. The moment she took them out she was speechless for a long time and I really had to shake her hard to bring her back" and then she looked at me adding " You are welcome, I told mom how you were staring at those little yellow ones and now, you have them " !!!!!!!


P.S : Below is the image which came very close to the ones my mom bought for me under the able guidance of my sister :-o 

They turned my dream into a colorless rainbow !

I began to believe that 'Raj' was actually a big jerk !!!!

" Na jaane mere dil ko kya ho gaya....." was playing on my system which brought back a train of thoughts. The movie DDLJ was released in 1995 and all the songs were instant hits.  I loved all the songs the very first time, it was like love at first sight !!! There are many such songs which have been my favorites,like 'Churaliya liya hai tumne jo dil ko', ' Gulabi Aanken Jo teri Dekhi....','Aise na mujhe tum deho seene se laga loonga...','Tum bin jao kahan...' and the likes but even today it's a new feeling everytime I listen  to any of those songs. I will tell you why !

       Back when I was in 8th Standard or before that I would love the music but I started enjoying the lyrics only a year after that when I 'graduated' to second year in high school. The blooming season had begun already and everything had a new meaning from thereon. Like the girls of my age, I would blush very frequently. I had begun to respond differently everytime I listened to the male voice singing  ' Sajavoonga lutkar bhi tere badan ke daali ko,lahoo jigar ka doonga tere hoton ke laali ko....'  When I recall the moments, it feels like someone totally not me ! That was the time everything had a meaning the way I understood. Being 'that' girl from small town with a dream of making it big in one way or the other had other dreams too. Like all small town girls I believed that my big love story was also in store for me and it also included a Raj. Oh my ! Sometimes I wonder, was I really that naive?  

     And then during my graduation, I began to believe that 'Raj' was actually a big jerk because he never showed up. 'Aise na mujhe tum dekho....' never actually ended in 'seene se laga loonga' and I started believing that my 'Gulabi aankhen...'  wasn't so influential to make someone alcoholic!!!!! And then I ended up with ' Tum bin jao kahan?" .Ha Ha ....yeah real fun ! 

One night I fell asleep on my bed reading 'Bloodline' which was bought from a used books shop with the little money I had saved. That night I dreamed I was getting married in a church to a tall,dark,handsome man with curly hair.( Next morning I shared this with my roommate and she made sure to remind me of that the day I married my TDH with curly hair). The dream had nothing to do with the book I was reading but I still believe Rhys Williams greatly influenced my thoughts from there on. From that moment there was no Raj but only Rhys !!!!!

       Since then the context has been changing as and when I switch phases.Earlier in my teenage or even in  my 20s, I would love movies or lead men who would imply things as it let the women (me) believe what they(I) wanted to believe. But now, in my 30+, I enjoy watching men who are more straight forward.( They don't keep their women waiting like Raj :-o) Someone who don't beat around the bush and becomes the man his woman likes him to be. I guess I have moved on to someone like Robinhood or Gladiator !!!!! 

Yes, I'm hard core romantic but my taste keeps changing as I get older, wiser and happier !!!

P.S: I still love all those songs :-)

      

It started with the type of coffee we were having !!!!

I'm not a great scholar , I guess everyone knows though I got my nerves now to admit it but now and then I get an opportunity or two to make myself feel above some people :-p I'm sure all of us know how heavenly it feels :-D.....hehehehhe wicked me ;-)

Recently I visited an old friend of mine who has moved to the city after almost a decade. Being single has its ups and downs,just like people with family do but a lot different.....atleast that's what I realized after speaking to him. It started with the type of coffee we were having !!!! 

He: " Look,what's happened to me! It's terrible. Till last couple of months I didn't even need to know how I liked my coffee and now....oh gosh!"
  I : " Hmmmmm,that's truly terrible to realize what we like....:-p"
He: " Make fun all you want, but that's the tragedy of my life. As long as I had 'Her' in my life I never needed to know myself. You know it's so hard to get over someone who was so very special to you and suddenly decides to marry someone else and moves to the other side of the ocean !"

          That was a sensitive moment and I didn't want to talk just anything and hurt him even more but as a friend of 2 decades I had to do what I had to. I felt he needed a friend so without further delay I donned the hat ! 

I : " She sure was some girl. I wonder what transpired inside her head to take a decision like that. I'm sure there's someone for everyone,if not exclusive ;-) (I tried to humor him but it didn't work. He just shrugged).You say she was very special to you,don't you? No chance someone else could be that special again? "
He: " Not even close. " ( His voice was very clear).
 I  : " And why is that? why is she so special?"
He: " I don't know? Why does someone feel special? It's a feeling. You  know that, you are married to someone who's made you feel special. It's ...you know the moments or instances...I don't know."

         I kept quiet for a while. I didn't want to brag about how my husband made me feel special and how did we end up together. I was looking for plan B but I was determined to make him realize why he lost his lady love. Why was I so sure? I had spoken to her on many occasions and I knew how she felt !!!
 Before I could start with my stammers, to my big relief he continued !!!

He: " For the 5 years we knew of each other, she would always be the first one to wish me on my b'day at midnight. Sometimes she would even send over the flowers or little gifts. And the last year she didn't remember to wish me !!! She would always drop by when I was feeling low. You know, whenever I came back from my trips the moment I switched on the phone,it would ring. Dunno for how long she would have tried to reach me to make sure I landed safe. She would listen to my frustrations and whatever office stories I had to blurt out.....Oh god! Feels like I have lost a pair of ears !!!! "
  I : " Whatever I'm going to say next will not make you feel any  better but I must say this....you had a beautiful special friend. And I'm sorry you lost her. "

              I truly was sorry. Big gifts or PDAs don't really matter as much as the little things,in life. It's very hard to get someone who knows your every pulse. It's a big loss !

 I   : " I'm sure she misses it too dear. Of course you must  have done the same things to her too..."
He : " well.....not really !!!  I in fact didn't even know her b'day and I always thought I didn't have to remember it as long as I have the social networking sites to tell me. I know it's horrible but please don't judge me."
  I : " I won't,who am I to judge. Did you tell her how you felt about her wishes and gifts and her being there always? "
He: " See, that's another thing. I never did. I had so many female friends , and this one was always there no matter others stayed or not. So...it's not that I took her for granted but it never occurred to me. I was not focused, I guess!"
 I : " Then why do you worry now? So all in all, SHE was not special to you but she made YOU feel very special....to her ! Correct me if I'm wrong, you never made an attempt to make her feel special,never dropped something very big or even silly event just to be her side? never stopped caring about your cell phone when you were with her? Never remembered her big day? never brought her flowers or books??? Nothing???? Did you at least tell her how much you waited for her calls on your b'day or whenever you said she would call to hear from you? You mean, she made all the efforts to make you feel special and you never even appreciated it ,forget making HER feel special? And now you worry, she forgot your b'day last year or she got married to someone else and moved away??? "

             There I said it all, I made my point. He didn't say anything. It's not that  he was ignorant of these things, I guess he needed to hear it from someone who knows him well to help him accept what  he had done !

              I wonder why people do this. I have seen many who do the same mistake and end up miserable mostly blaming it on the people who left them. How do you make someone feel special to you? Pay attention !!! Simple,isn't it? why is it so hard? I feel sorry for this friend of mine who lost a lady like her. I guess it's the mind set of people, when someone showers you with lot of attention you tried to take them for granted or feel less important. But I know some, who are really lucky to have realized what they want !!!! 

            Anyway, this is not the episode that made me feel better, I guess I started to write something else but turned out something else. Man, I need to focus here !!!!!